30 Sep Finding Joy in Singleness

I graduated from Clemson University just a few short years ago. Since then, I have attended upwards of thirty weddings—having the honor to stand with six of my best friends as bridesmaid. My life is not quite the story of 27 dresses just yet, but I can surely catch a bouquet on auto-pilot. I have met a lot of single, Christian girls through this season of showers, bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners, and under the bright smiles and tears of joy, I often find just a hint of bitterness. It has become the culture of Christian singles to ask, “Why is it not me up there? Why don’t I get to be happy, too?” And, a few weddings in, just off of a breakup with someone I thought I might marry, I found myself there. I found myself unable to stand in true joy at the front of the Church with friends making beautiful vows to one another.

That’s when I knew this was a heart issue. I was not able to “Rejoice with those who rejoice” as Romans 12:15 commands. I had to get my joy in this season back. Let me stop here for a second to explain something: The desire for marriage is one that I believe is from God. Marriage is His design and a beautiful expression of how much He cares for us. I think Piper says it best:

“The most foundational thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is God’s doing. And the ultimate thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is for God’s glory…Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God. And ultimately, marriage is the display of God.”

So, I do not think this deep desire in myself is wrong, but I do think that I had twisted a God-given desire into a selfish one. I had made something intended to show the honor and glory of God into one that allowed me to glorify myself—seeking after butterflies and flattery and someone to validate my existence. No man can hold up to the weight of fulfilling a relationship that only God can make complete.

“Instead of finding verses where God gave His people what they want when they wanted it, I found a lot more passages where He made them wait.”

The day I realized that I was looking for a man to be God for me was paramount. My entire outlook changed. I had been so angry at God for giving me this desire and not fulfilling it. And I searched the Scriptures to support my anger. Instead of finding verses where God gave His people what they want when they wanted it, I found a lot more passages where He made them wait. I found stories like Abram and Sarai who waited decades to have a child (Genesis 21), stories like Moses who wandered and wandered in the desert (Numbers 13-20), and stories like that of Hannah who only got to hold God’s gift in her arms for 3 short years. (1 Samuel 1-2).

This broke down my anger pretty quickly. If these people, who earnestly sought the Lord, still had to wait on God, then who am I to complain about having to wait a few years or a couple of decades if He wills? My outlook changed completely, and I knew I couldn’t sit there stewing any longer. Instead of twittling my thumbs, I decided to start serving in the Church—Christ’s bride.

When I first started volunteering at Forge, I was honestly just looking to fill my time. Little did I know the unspeakable joy that would come from the last couple of years. I have made life-long friends, had hard conversations, seen my students “get it,” acted ridiculous in front of large groups of people, and ultimately, I have seen God change me. My outlook on this season of life now is one of joy and thankfulness. For every walk with a girlfriend (and our pups!), for every late-night conversation, for every spontaneous moment, I am truly, truly THANKFUL. This season offers me so much flexibility to serve the Lord in whatever way He tells me to, without the burden of all that much responsibility. I think if all of us singles saw it that way, our churches might be much better served.

“I may still be in the wait for this particular season to turn, but what a beautiful wait it is.”

This is not a fairytale story where I tell you I met someone last week—I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I’ll meet “the one” as soon as I stop looking for him. But now I can walk in the knowledge that I already know “the One,” and I get to meet with Him in prayer and petition constantly. I may still be in the wait for this particular season to turn, but what a beautiful wait it is.

-Liz Wall

As part of our One series, we’ve asked several people to share some of their experiences and stories as it relates to each sermon topic and how it has played out in their marriage or in their life. We appreciate Liz taking time to share what she is learning and how God is using her in a season of singleness. Has the One series prompted any questions you would like addressed? We’d love to answer some in a Q&A at the end of the series. Email questions to [email protected].