As we’ve been learning the last several weeks in our Work series, work is hard! Parenting is work, and it’s extremely hard work.

So as a disclaimer, let me state up front that we have had all the struggles with this role of parenting that we have with other forms of work — over-identifying when things go well, washing our hands of responsibility when they don’t, taking shortcuts, idolizing, etc. In spite of all of these sinful and self-absorbed attitudes, God continues to show us and our children tremendous grace.

While I can easily look back and see all of the missed and squandered opportunities to show our kids the value of hard work, I am thankful that our faithful God has multiplied our half-hearted efforts, filled in the gaps, and each of our kids are moving into young adulthood with decent work ethics. One important piece of advice we received early on has shaped many of our decisions, no matter how inconsistently applied: think about the character you want your child to have as an adult and parent towards that. This long term view has helped us make the harder right decision in multiple situations. Here are a few ways this advice has informed our parenting about work:

“One important piece of advice we received early on has shaped many of our decisions, no matter how inconsistently applied: think about the character you want your child to have as an adult and parent towards that.”

-Insisting our kids do their best work at school, managing their time, and assignments. With rare exception have we gotten involved with the student-teacher relationship. We have no idea when our kids have tests or papers due unless they tell us. We squelched the “we have a test tomorrow” philosophy early on. Happily, I am done with test taking.

-Persevering when work gets hard. We memorized the verse “Work hard and cheerfully as though you were working for the Lord rather than people” as a family (Colossians 3:23). And to try to practice it more authentically, I painted it on our laundry room wall! We haven’t always modeled this well (mainly me), but we have always reminded each other that this is the attitude God calls us to, no matter the job before us.

-Turning some work into a fun family activity, such as raking the leaves. All of our kids joined Steve and I every October and November to rake the massive number of leaves that fall in our yard. Neighbors always commented that they didn’t know how we got all of our kids out there. We made it fun, and afterwards we enjoyed a treat like ice cream! One year after HOG day, we had our own “Hands on Gearys” day to complete some projects around the house.

-Modeling hard work, even when our kids are not buying it. Sometimes not everyone willingly participates, but we have to keep going—the work still has to be done. We have sacrificed in the ways we have served at church and in the community, and we have tried to persevere and maintain these commitments, no matter the circumstances that threaten to derail us.

-Insisting that kids help around the house, in large and small ways. This is probably an area where we have been least consistent. It’s so much easier to just do the stuff yourself than to insist over and over again that your kids follow through. Don’t give up!

We experienced one significant mid-course correction when God revealed our idolatry of vacation time. We have been blessed to take some incredible vacations as a family. And much of that time has been sweet, memory-making, bond-building time. However, spending six weeks at the beach over the summer exacerbated the lie that peace, hope, and fulfilment can only be found in leisure or vacation time, so we made a course correction. Together we went on a family mission trip over spring break, when almost everyone else we knew was going skiing or to a tropical location. We got up early, worked hard every day, and served alongside strangers, and it was unequivocally one of the best trips we’ve ever taken. So much so that the next year, our teenagers begged us to do it again. We still go on vacation, but we try to keep a healthier perspective on what that time means to us and balance it with serving and sacrificing.

“What we do matters, and how we do it matters to God. Our ultimate goal remains to help our kids recognize that they can never be or do enough, that they have a deep and unquenchable thirst for a Savior that cannot be filled with anything other than Him.”

In our current season with two kids in college and two in high school, we are witnessing ways in which our kids are embracing a solid work ethic. Our son took pride in his tough and often monotonous work in a factory the past two summers. Two of our daughters have volunteered  at Young Life camps for a month or more at a time, learning to see the blessing in working menial jobs. All four have chosen to go on service and mission trips. A couple of them are volunteering in the community and at church in ways that are sacrificial and hard. All four are responsible, engaged learners, and taking their educational pursuits seriously. Not perfect by any means, but God is using work in their lives to teach them, reveal weakness, and transform their hearts.

What we do matters, and how we do it matters to God. Our ultimate goal remains to help our kids recognize that they can never be or do enough, that they have a deep and unquenchable thirst for a Savior that cannot be filled with anything other than Him. As they witness our failures and struggles, our insufficiencies, and our own need for Jesus, our prayer remains that they will choose to follow Him and work hard for His glory all of their lives.