Our current community group study has me excavating the depths of my heart and taking a thorough inventory of my sin patterns and their effect on my life. It’s a dark and lonely road. I am learning how easily I gloss over, legitimize, or even dismiss sin as no longer relevant, even though they are clearly and unequivocally sins to God.

Consequences of sin linger. Evidence of worldly sorrow and not true godly repentance emerge in the story of my life. Many times, I have wanted to abandon this exercise and, accepting Christ’s forgiveness, say “I’m good.”  Yet I know that God has me here to examine deeply, confess, and release my grip on comfortable sin. So I am dragging myself, kicking and screaming at times, through the tough internal work.

By the time David takes the census and is in disobedience to God, we see a man who has become familiar with sin—a man just like me. Like me, he probably thinks he can handle it. After all, he is king, he’s in charge, and no one questions his authority. He has tasted the exhilarating thrill of being on the throne of his own life, as I have, and it can be intoxicating and disorienting. So once again, he chooses his own way instead of God’s. Maybe his pride and self-reliance leads him to take matters into his own hands, to flex his personal power. Maybe, like me, he is arrogant and entitled. He believes he can manage this “insignificant” sin, that he knows best. And he proceeds, just like I do.

“Any time I choose sin, no matter how small I believe it to be, I am rejecting God and disregarding the cost and the sacrifice that Jesus made to justify me before Himself.”

How wrong David was, and how wrong I am! Any time I choose sin, no matter how small I believe it to be, I am rejecting God and disregarding the cost and the sacrifice that Jesus made to justify me before Himself. Every single sin I commit is a hideous and offensive affront to a holy and perfect God. The consequences of sin are severe and serious. There is no such thing as small sin. It is not possible to manage sin, and yet I have attempted this throughout my life. I have harbored a deep-seeded arrogance that I know better, that I can handle it, or that it’s not that big of a deal. How clearly I see that sin has calloused my heart!

Once David admits his sin, he humbles himself and submits to God’s will and correction. Severe consequences remain, yet God is gracious beyond what I can understand, and he spares me and David from His wrath. David understands that his worship must have a cost and a sacrifice; just going through the motions with shallow, hollow platitudes is “lukewarm” and dishonoring to God. There must be true repentance and sincere reflection on God’s mercy when David, and I, deserve eternal separation from God. “I will not present offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.” Real repentance requires sacrifice on my part. Just an admission of guilt with no cost to myself is not real repentance and does not bring about the deep heart change that is needed for me to experience transformation in my actions and my choices.

“Just an admission of guilt with no cost to myself is not real repentance and does not bring about the deep heart change that is needed for me to experience transformation in my actions and my choices.”

Through this process, God continues to reveal His redemptive plan in my life, to redeem every nook and cranny of my soul, and to redeem me for good works today, in addition to salvation at the end of my life. I, like David, pray “let me fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great. Do not let me fall into human hands,” for He loves and forgives me, He accepts and treasures me, and He alone makes me new. This hope I have has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the very nature of our just and righteous God.

Am I going to turn again and again to my sin for comfort, or will I turn around and run to Him— fully accepting the consequences, but receiving acceptance, forgiveness, and new life?