27 Apr Cultor House Reflection | A Broken Vessel for Him

I first found out about Cultor House because a friend from my university did an internship through Grace Church and had a really positive experience. At the same time that I found out about the opportunity to intern at Grace, I became aware of sin in my life that was unresolved and pervasive to all aspects of my life. I was unsure of how to navigate the waters. I had been living under this idea that I should be a strong Christian after knowing and obeying Christ for a few solid years—to my dismay I found that this isn’t how being a follower of Jesus works!

I had really hoped to be a missionary overseas but was realizing that would not be a wise choice for me in my current season. At that point I applied for Cultor House, hoping to use it as an equipping method for my future plans. I trusted God and had faith that He wanted me to be in a place where I was intentionally growing in community before jumping into a full time career. I also had no clue what kind of career to look for, so I was also eager to be on the road of self-discovery. I found out I was accepted to the Cultor House program and a few months later made the 15 hour drive from Iowa to South Carolina to work for a church I had never set foot in.

As my Cultor House friends and Student Ministry co-workers will tell you, the first few months were rough for me. Though I believed that this was where God wanted me, it felt like He had abandoned me. I was in a new culture, new city, and knew no one. It felt like ultimate discomfort. Everything was painfully difficult to do. I remember lying awake at night thinking of ways to get out of Cultor House and go home. Any excuse seemed reasonable in my mind, but luckily friends back home and my fellow interns were encouraging me to stick it out.

It seems like divine providence that I stayed because everything seemed to be working in my favor to leave. I found that my ultimate discomforts were pushing me to rely not on others to fulfill my inmost desire to be known and loved, but to rely heavily on Jesus in every moment of weakness.

I trust that God really did want me here, and I feel incredibly blessed to see the fruits of persevering despite many obstacles. I have seen my heart change in numerous ways, including giving me a heart for high schoolers that I was resistant to for the longest time. Above all, I have been able to see that my plans are not God’s plans. My reasons for coming to Grace Church were selfish. I was pursuing my personal growth and hoping for a quick fix to my sin, things to give myself the glory. God’s plan was for me to see that I would be used as a broken vessel for Him— not possessing anything glorious except that which He has given me. I love the song, “The Greatness of our God,” because I realized that I will spend my life finding out that I’m far from close to the spotless righteousness of my God. But the pursuit of finding out who God is is a worthy one.

I always tell Matt Kelley, the pastor over Cultor House, that I have no idea how I was picked. It seems awfully random for the church to decide to bring a small town Iowa girl to be their intern. I am in awe of the sovereignty of God in my life because it reflects that He has a greater plan for me and for all who will yield to Him. Though I’m not at the center of the story of redemption, I am humbled to be a part of it and to be able to tell of His goodness through my brokenness.

-Anna Baumgartner, Cultor House Intern

About Cultor House: Cultor House is our 9-month residency program for young men and women who have recently graduated college and desire to grow in their faith and mature in their ministry capacity. Visit our website for more information and to apply.