19 Apr Trapped in Bondage

Her mother was abused, wounded and discarded. Her mother associated sexuality with evil and passed that down to her daughters. Her mother would tell her that she had a prostitute spirit and that giving herself to a man was dangerous and wicked.

When she married, she was proud of her chastity. She could hang on to it with tight control while she was dating. It was the right thing to do until her wedding night and her husband had expectations, of course. While she attempted to please him, inside she felt her mind and heart retreat to a dark place. The closeness was sickening and painful in so many ways. She closed off and shut down and sex became a place of anguish and distance, not pleasure and intimacy. He was crushed by her avoidance and rejection, not understanding the deep scars that prompted her self-protection. He stopped pursuing her heart and body. She was relieved to have his attentions stop, yet as the gap between them spread, the hurt did too.  Both missed connection, but didn’t understand how to find it, so she retreated. Numb self-protective living produced a thick wall around her heart. She could not invite, nurture or partner; she was alone.

Her husband prayed. He pleaded for her healing. He submitted his heart to the One who loves her more than he ever could. He gave his wounds of rejection to the One who can carry that burden. He entrusted her with the Savior. He waited ten years.

The Lord heard the cry of his heart.

Freedom came when she repented of believing the lies and accepted the healing that Jesus offers. The bondage was broken when she confessed her cast off vow to not ever love. Jesus stepped in and healed that broken heart and soothed her soul with Truth.

Connection is sweet now and not dark nor dreaded. Intimacy is meaningful, not painful. Their relationship is powerful and healing because the Lord breathed life into it.

What pain are you holding onto that blocks you from intimacy? What lies are keeping you in bondage? The Savior can breath life into your marriage, you heart, your soul. Will you trust Him with that deepest part of you? It’s worth it.

~Women’s Ministry Team