18 Dec Bless, Don’t Impress

I became a real grown up this holiday season and hosted Thanksgiving dinner for our family this year. I operate on a “less is more” policy when it comes to entertaining – as in, the less I do, the more time I have to do other things I like to do. I also do not have a natural bent to hospitality.

One recent evening, I was having a small group of women over and had to email a half a dozen friends for advice on what to serve and what to do during that time. They all had wonderful and simple, but meaningful, ideas, and I am so thankful for women with that gift of hospitality to help me when I’m paralyzed and can’t think beyond chocolate chip cookies and an episode of Downton. It’s not that I don’t enjoy having people into our home; we’ve hosted a Kairos intern, have our Community Group meet in our home, and attempt, in the midst of the busyness of daily life, to be intentional about inviting friends and family in for food and conversation.

What I don’t enjoy is feeling the pressure to entertain people. To impress people with my tablescaping skills and coordinating children and seasonal entryway plants. If I have time to go above and beyond, then I will, because I like to cook and plant things and arrange pretty flowers in a vase. But usually what I have time to do is vacuum the dog hair tumbleweeds and wipe the applesauce off the sofa so it doesn’t stick to your shirt when you stand to leave. There are just some things I have to say no to, for my own mental health and the safety of my family, and the lovely extras are usually the first to be cut from the list.

So, when it came to the week of Thanksgiving and the meal was planned and the groceries were being bought, I found myself being motivated by the idea of what kind of impression I wanted to make on my family. To the point that I was shopping for new sets of dinnerware in four piece place settings and wondering where to find that peat moss stuff for a terrarium centerpiece. And it is possible, I tried to convince myself, if I stay up really late just a night or two, to peel the wallpaper off of the foyer walls before Thursday. As I was making my third trip in two days to Woodruff Road, where I was attempting to make all of my Pinterest dreams come true, God gently tugged on my heart and asked, “are you trying to impress them, or be a blessing to them?” All of the racing and striving and bustle in my mind was silenced, instantly. I was focusing only on what I could do to leave a lasting impression of myself on my family, instead of desiring to be a blessing to them. I wanted them to see what I was capable of accomplishing with the hopes that they would praise me and my home and my food. The idea that God wanted in on the celebration too, and that He could get the glory for the good things He’s given us, and that His Spirit could shine through us to our family members, had not yet entered my mind.

“I was focusing only on what I could do to leave a lasting impression of myself on my family, instead of desiring to be a blessing to them.”

Humbled, I now viewed the meal through the new lens of blessing instead of impressing. I was free to prepare with others in mind instead of myself. No new china or mobilized centerpieces made their debut. Flowers from the grocery store and candles that were already used still looked inviting and special. My kids and husband became integral to the preparation, and instead of me being a tense and isolated hostess, we were all bustling about, happily setting tables and lighting candles in anticipation of a house full of family. And in the end, we had several rooms filled with family chatting and laughing for hours. And isn’t that the point? To make space for others in our lives, for the sake of Jesus possibly having space in their life one day, too? I am so thankful for God’s gentle and simple reminder to me before it was too late – I would have worn myself out at Thanksgiving and made everyone else miserable in the process. Worse, I would have ignored God and the small, but important, ways that He moved in my heart and the hearts of my kids and family. I would have missed His best for us. 

Time is barreling towards Christmas Day at warp speed, and my family is preparing to welcome West Coast cousins who will visit for three weeks. My prayer is that God will continue to impress me with Himself. His holiness. His love. His mercies. His wisdom. And His humility, evident in the form of a helpless babe come to the world to invite others to participate in the gift of Himself and salvation. I pray that the Spirit’s impression on my soul will filter to others, and my home and my heart will be a blessing as we make memories and celebrate Jesus’s birth.

In what ways do you see events as an opportunity to impress others? Through what lens are you viewing this Advent season – the lens of being a blessing to others, or the lens focused on making an impression for yourself? Are you shopping and decorating and baking and traveling with a “here I am!” attitude, or a “there you are!” attitude?

-Molly Burns, Pelham