16 Oct An Inconvenient Love
At the end of living in Allendale for six weeks during the summer, I was more than eager to return to Greenville.
I had forgotten what life was like to have Target within 20 minutes of your home and to have more than three options for a dinner out, so I was excited to re-discover what this life outside of rural, small-town South Carolina was all about. What I was not excited about, however, was having to explain my time in Allendale to others who had not experienced it.
It’s the problem of all too many short term mission-trip-goers, the issue that comes up time and time again upon re-entry into a culture that you’ve grown accustomed to— the dreaded “culture shock.” It’s the shock that you see coming but are never quite prepared for, with no way of escape but to power through and process what is going on in the tangled web of thoughts in your mind.
While Allendale might be only hours away from Greenville, the two cultures are hardly similar. The pace of life, family dynamic, and community environment are all different and made transition back into routine life difficult.
In all honesty, some of my most well meaning, God-fearing friends contributed to the awkward and difficult tension I was already trying to manage.
Well-intentioned conversations with friends seemed to follow a similar pattern: asking how I survived the long hours and difficult days with a pity filled look and an expectation for a story about how excited I was to be done. They would say they were proud of the summer staff for their work and how I deserved to rest and take a break. Each time, my responses were also predictable, telling them I was excited to be back and that the summer camp counselor position I thought I was signing up for turned out to be a bit more difficult than I pictured.
In all honesty, some of my most well meaning, God-fearing friends contributed to the awkward and difficult tension I was already trying to manage.
During these conversations, I realized that it’s almost like we were all shocked that working for the kingdom can be difficult and wearisome.
The discussions placed me in a position where I was forced to dissect an uncomfortable realization of a myth I was buying into. In the past, I’ve been in communities where ministry and working for the kingdom is portrayed as glamorous, light work. Ministry supposedly looked like going on coffee dates to discuss the last sermon, showing up to big events with lights and hyped up games, or making a meal to deliver to our neighbor. Yes, all of those methods are incredibly valid forms of spreading the gospel and making disciples, but it surely did not represent what I experienced in Allendale.
Instead, sometimes the work of ministry is messy. Sometimes it’s hard, and it doesn’t make sense.
Sometimes, you end up spending six weeks in Allendale where there are entirely too many kids with too few staff, and you are spread so thinly you go to bed with anxiety over how to survive the next day with your sanity intact.
I realized that it’s almost like we were all shocked that working for the kingdom can be difficult and wearisome.
Sometimes, it doesn’t fit in the perfectly edited 3×3 photo on Instagram that makes people think you’re playing Just Dance with kids you love all day. It doesn’t quite fit because in reality, you are having difficult conversations and disciplining kids in hopes that one day they’ll grow up to know and love the Lord with all their heart.
When I tell people about my time in Allendale and about some of the more difficult parts of it, I get an unspoken “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” I guess the point of me writing is this—I don’t want you to feel sorry for the hard work or for me.
While yes, the six weeks consisted of stepping further and further outside of my comfort zone and into the (way) deep end of “I don’t know what I’m doing,” it also consequently pushed me further and further into knowledge that His “grace is sufficient for me” like Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. In the midst of the chaos, inadequacies, and difficult questions, I experienced more joy than I could have possibly seen coming.
It wasn’t comfortable. However, I don’t think the Lord calls us to be comfortable. Instead, I think He calls us to be the exact opposite, and all too often the love He calls us to is inconvenient. What I’ve learned is that I would do well to remember the biggest representation of the love we are supposed to mirror, the cross of Christ, was inconvenient, messy, and unglamorous.
In the midst of the chaos, inadequacies, and difficult questions, I experienced more joy than I could have possibly seen coming.
There is a quote by Greg Morse that I have clung to at times in all of the messy, far from glamorous moments of ministry I’ve encountered, both in Allendale and home in Greenville.
“This [ministry] will be uncomfortable at times. But Christ hung uncomfortably on a tree, bearing the discomfort of God’s wrath, that you might imitate his love towards those who you don’t think will necessarily benefit you.”
No, serving for six weeks in Allendale didn’t benefit me in earthly standards; however, I have learned in the process to cling to the fact that I am reaping the benefits of heaven which will never perish. That, my friends, is worth it. While I might not have been the most well rested in the room, or the one with the most confidence in what she was doing, I grew to know the Lord in ways I would not have expected and honestly don’t think I would have had the same revelation had I made the choice to stay comfortable.
Jesus wants to give us life. He wants to give us the “immeasurably more than we could ask for or imagine” life, the “I came that you may have life, and have it to the full” type of life. But, we have to give ourselves away. My time in Allendale is representative of where I’m staking my claim and making my stand, saying and encouraging you in the fact that giving yourself away is worth it.
And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. Luke 9: 23-24 (ESV).
-Taylor Frick, Missions Intern | Summer 2017
Want to intern in Allendale next summer?
The missions internship is a 12 week opportunity to participate in regional missions. Missions interns work alongside our church partners in Allendale, SC. Interns organize and coordinate summer camp programming for elementary and middle school students as teams from Grace Church help provide weekly hands-on support. The internship includes pre-field training, on the ground equipping classes, and 4 days of re-entry training and debrief.