26 Oct To Love Anyway
If I were to take the time to think about all the really bad things that could possibly happen to my children, whether it be physically or emotionally, the list could get pretty lengthy.
And then if I added some of the sufferings of children all over the world, or even on the other side of Greenville, I could have one ginormous list of “super-bad” things- broken bones, starvation, slavery, cancer, abuse, neglect etc.
So what about the “kinda-bad” things that happen more frequently? Exclusion, ridicule, rejection, etc. Comparatively, the list of super-bad things can make the list of kinda-bad things seem small, right? Being called a name by a classmate is nothing compared to being sold into slavery. Being told “You can’t be my friend anymore [until tomorrow],” by a fellow kindergartner might be a little easier to hear than “You’re not going to eat today.” A little perspective is usually pretty helpful.
But despite the gap in severity, those “kinda-bad” things happen. They are real. They do cause pain. And they certainly trigger a response from my heart. Maybe a response that isn’t so great and leads me into callously disengaging from my community.
This recently was an issue in our home, not a big one, but it was there. My daughter talked about some friends at school who were being exclusive. They told the other little girls, including mine, that they couldn’t play with them at recess, sit by them at lunch or even talk to them. Ummm. What? I’m pretty sure my daughter handled it better than I did, because she just mentioned it matter-of-factly, and there I was, hiding my look of disgust and frustration.
They certainly trigger a response from my heart. Maybe a response that isn’t so great and leads me into callously disengaging from my community.
Their treatment of and attitude towards others made me sad, and to be honest, angry. It seems so silly to say that out loud, especially after thinking about the aforementioned super-bad stuff. I hid the hurt and did all the obligatory mom things like encouraging my daughter to play with the other little girls in her class to make sure they had a friend and challenging her to be careful not to treat others that way since she knows how it feels. She isn’t super sensitive to things like that, so she just kept going without giving it much thought. In the meantime I promptly placed the two offenders on the “mean girl” list and began to envision how nasty they are going to be in high school. I was pleased (cough, proud) that my daughter wasn’t acting that way and satisfied that she could move on to the “nicer” children in her class. Okay, so I’m slightly exaggerating. I know the little girls aren’t any worse than my own children or me. We are all capable of hurting others…and sometimes unknowingly. But despite knowing these truths, my heart did not want to move towards those little girls.
But then something happened. My daughter came home a few days later and asked if she could invite those two little girls over. Had they changed? Nope. They were still having their own little two-people parties. Again, I had to hide the expression that my heart wanted to show: why in the world would you want to play with THEM? I wanted to tell her to invite somebody over who was actually kind to her.
Instead, I bit my tongue, somehow bought myself some time to think about it, and talked to my husband. Kind of sounds ridiculous now, but I know I’m not alone here. I’ve seen the FaceBook posts asking, “How do I handle this bully?” and all the replies that say, “Tell your kid to punch him in the face.” We want justice for our children… for ourselves. We often want to move away from the hurt or inflict the same hurt upon the oppressor. But through my little girl’s willingness to love anyway, God, in His mercy, showed me a different way.
We want justice for our children… for ourselves. We often want to move away from the hurt or inflict the same hurt upon the oppressor.
I decided to brainstorm and write down situations in the Bible where people were treated unjustly but loved anyway. There’s the obvious one- Jesus. I could end there as He is the ultimate example, but the list does go on. The Bible is full of stories that illustrate Christ’s sacrificial love for us despite the absence of justice for Him. One example I love is the story of Naaman. In 2 Kings 5, we are told about a little girl who was taken in captivity by the Syrians after they invaded Israel. She was given as a maid for the wife of the commander-in-chief of the Syrian army, Naaman. He was a successful war hero who was stricken with leprosy.
So from what we can tell, the little girl was taken from her family to a strange land and forced to be a servant in the home of the man who had carried it out. Not cool. Her plight would certainly be on my list of super-bad things. I can’t imagine her feelings of fear, loneliness, anger, and sorrow. But what did she do? She chose to love anyway–The people who stripped her of everything she knew and from the people she loved most– she loved them anyway. You see, the little girl approached her mistress and said, “I wish my master would go to see the prophet in Samaria. He would heal him of his leprosy!” (2 Kings 5:3). When Naaman did go see the prophet Elisha he was healed. Not only that, but afterwards Naaman declared, “I will never again offer any burnt offerings or sacrifices to any other God except the Lord!” (2 Kings 5:17). So Naaman was healed of his physical ailment AND became a follower of the one true God because a little girl spoke up when she could have kept silent. Mind blowing.
How can I love like this? How can I encourage my children to do the same? Getting even was already off the table for me (that time), but what about moving towards the source of the pain instead of away from it? This will only get more complicated as my children get older. Second-grade drama is low on the scale compared to what lies ahead. And that said, these situations aren’t isolated to injustice with my kids and their friends. We all experience these “kinda-bad” circumstances all the time.
When I look calm and collected on the outside, is my heart ready to love anyway? Probably not. Praise God that we have a Savior who did this for us! And not only did He set the example of loving anyway, but He promised not to leave us here alone. I need to ask for His help. The Holy Spirit gives the power to move towards those who have hurt me and encourage my children to do the same. Jesus experienced both the kinda-bad and the super-bad things, and His death-defeating power is at our disposal as we strive to love anyway.
The Holy Spirit gives the power to move towards those who have hurt me…His death-defeating power is at our disposal as we strive to love anyway.
“He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. Unjustly condemned, He was led away. And because of His experience, My righteous Servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for He will bear all their sins.” Isaiah 53:5,8,11
-Mary Beth Spann