01 Oct A Guy’s Guide to Being Single

God has been faithful and will continue to be faithful through every season of life.  I am currently single in all senses of the word (from a tax payer’s standpoint and a dating standpoint), and although I do have the desire to one day be married, I have been taught by God that He will provide everything that I need today.  As you can imagine, being single has its times of loneliness. As I see many of my friends having serious relationships or getting married, it makes me wish that I could experience the same thing.  As human beings we are wired for intimacy and to be known and loved by another.  This is a very good thing that God has put inside of us all.

“I have spoken with enough married men to know that being intentional with my time now in regard to leadership, purity, accountability, and community will be very beneficial for marriage in the future.”

I know during this season of life God has called me to continue to move forward in my walk with Him in order to become the man that He has called me to be.  I have spoken with enough married men to know that being intentional with my time now in regard to leadership, purity, accountability, and community will be very beneficial for marriage in the future. I have seen growth in each of these areas, especially over these past two years since graduating from college.

Leadership in a spiritual context has been an area where I have felt intimidated because I often feel that I need to be further along in my walk with God in order to lead anybody else spiritually. I grew up in church and always knew conceptually that Jesus has given me the command as His disciple to make disciples (Matthew 28).   I hadn’t tangibly experienced this until recently when I got plugged into our Forge high school ministry and am now leading a group of high school seniors.  God has taught me so much in regard to dependence on Him and reminding me that true change comes only from the power of Christ.  He shows His grace to us by choosing us to be a part of that journey with others.  In respect to dating and marriage, this is a huge step forward because I want to be able to lead spiritually as well as continue to make disciples as Christ has called us to.

Purity has been one of the clearest ways I can see God’s sanctifying work in this season of singleness.  At a relatively early age I came across pornography, and what was once a curiosity, over time progressed into hidden sin and enslavement. Many of you reading now can attest to the feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation this brings. By God’s grace I have been set free from this habitual sin.  Practically speaking this has come about through opening my life to other guys who will keep me accountable (*shameless plug for Covenant Eyes software), going through books and sermons such as Finally Free and Men’s Roundtable studies, and ultimately being spiritually nourished by God and His word.  I have spoken with countless men who assure me that if I am dealing with sexual sin before marriage that becoming married will not solve the issue.

“Even though I am moving forward and growing in these areas, God has also taught me during this time that marriage is not the end goal for me and will not be a sustaining force to keep me progressing.”

Even though I am moving forward and growing in these areas, God has also taught me during this time that marriage is not the end goal for me and will not be a sustaining force to keep me progressing.  Jesus uses the language of marriage when speaking about the church (God’s people) and Himself saying that we will experience complete relationship with Him in heaven.  Marriage here on earth will be great, and it is definitely a good thing to work towards, but the end goal for me must be God Himself and growing closer to Him.

For those who are worried about their singleness, let us remember what Jesus says about our lives in Matthew 6:25-34 — to not worry about our lives, to remember who provides for us, and to seek Him and His righteousness above all.

-David Garrigan

As part of our One series, we’ve asked several people to share some of their experiences and stories as it relates to each sermon topic and how it has played out in their marriage or in their life. We appreciate David taking time to share how God is currently teaching him and how he is growing in this season of singleness. Has the One series prompted any questions you would like addressed? We’d love to answer some in a Q&A at the end of the series. Email questions to [email protected].