21 Jun Weight on God
I have had a weight problem since I was nine years old. The real issue behind my struggle is food. I began to turn to food as a reward when I was a child. As I got older, I found that food brought comfort.
I started sneaking food in secret. Into adulthood, food provided a facade of control and even a sense of achievement. Regardless, food was always there. Unfortunately, so was my ever-increasing weight.
Looking back over the years, I can see that my weight played a big role in how I esteemed my body. Beyond even the weight problem, I entered my junior high years with glasses and braces. I was nerdy and unpopular, and I completely looked the part. Through my high school years if anyone could ever possibly find me attractive.
I entered college and was blessed by God with the love of a man who saw the beauty of my true person before I could. I tried to drive him away, but he never budged. In my insecurity, I can remember asking him if he could possibly still love me if I were as big as a house. He promised that he would. I relaxed a bit in his reassurances, but I continued to loath my body.
“Into adulthood, food provided a facade of control and even a sense of achievement.”
I used to tell myself that I would fix my weight problem before I got married, but I was at my heaviest before my second wedding anniversary. I hated my body. I dressed to hide. I seemed shy and quiet to those who did not know me, but I was simply insecure about my body and myself. I was certainly not free to be who God created me to be. Physically, I felt terrible. Depression became a struggle.
My motivation to lose weight came when my doctor recommended that I do so before trying to get pregnant. Finally, losing weight was not about my own vanity. I spent the next several years on a journey to better health, and began to entrust my weight to God. I learned healthy eating habits. Eventually, I reached my goal weight. I began to have children and worked hard to lose the baby weight between each pregnancy.
I look successful now on the outside, and to a point that is true. Weight loss has become about health. I have received my husband’s love and acceptance. I continue to grow in God’s unconditional love for and acceptance of me. I have come out of my shell. I am no longer shy and self-protective. I have begun to blossom into the woman God intends me to be.
“…at the root of all this is an idol of comfort within my heart.”
The struggle with food remains. I now realize that at the root of it all is an idol of comfort within my heart. God is called the “source of all comfort” in 2 Corinthians 1:3, but I still trust food to satisfy my cravings. I am admonished to have no “other god” besides Him in Exodus 20:3, but I still obey the urge of appetite. I am reminded that God “controls my destiny” in Job 23:14, but I still turn to food to fill my longing for control.
And so my journey continues. I seek to be free from this idol of comfort to serve and worship God alone. I continue to entrust my weight to Him. What is something that you need to entrust to God? What hinders you from giving God first place in your heart?
Michelle is a wife and homeschooling mom who likes to keep things simple and homemade. Her large family, with children ranging in age from infancy to teen, is always a party waiting to happen. When she is able to find spare time, she enjoys reading, writing, and running. She attended our Pelham campus and our Spartanburg campus before moving to the South Carolina Low Country.