02 Sep Sex As Manipulation?
Ten years ago if you had invited me to a Bible study on sexuality, I probably would’ve thought that was weird. Growing up, the extent of information I was given from the Church about sex was that I didn’t need to have it. And so, I didn’t.
I followed the rules, I signed the pledge, I waited until my wedding night, and once I was on the otherside of that, I didn’t think the Church had any more to offer me in that area. When the honeymoon phase wore off and the emotion and passion didn’t feel the same anymore, I didn’t know who to go to with those struggles. When I was trying so desperately to get pregnant and sex became more about ovulation cycles and basal body temperature than it was about mutual satisfaction, I didn’t know how to find enjoyment in it. When I was nursing a baby and caring for two toddlers and didn’t want my husband so much as to wink at me, I felt a lot of insecurity about my ability to love him well, and I really didn’t know how to process through those feelings. I had no clue who to ask questions to about what was good or right or “normal.”
On the flip side, because I wasn’t talking about it with anyone, I was unaware of how I used sex as manipulation. It never clicked with me that I saw our physical relationship as something that was a gift to my husband for meeting my emotional needs. Or that sometimes sex was a way of me “marking my territory,” so to speak, and some kind of mental game I was playing with myself to cover up insecurities I had about him working in a field with mostly women. I was a virgin bride and it never occurred to me that I had all kinds of sin related to sex that was hindering our intimacy.
There is a place for these conversations to happen within the church! There is Truth to be shared in areas of confusion, there is encouragement to be given in areas of frustration, and there is hope that prevails over areas of despair.